When Good Christians Don’t Get Along
- Thad DeBuhr
- 1 day ago
- 10 min read
Study Guide: Philippians 4:2-5
Imagine two longtime friends riding together on a road trip.
They both want to reach the same destination. They agree on where they’re going. But somewhere along the way, they disagree about which road to take.
One says, “We need to turn here.”
The other says, “No way. That’ll take us completely out of the way.”
Before long, they aren’t talking about the road anymore. They’re talking about who never listens, who always has to be right, and who got them lost three years ago.
Funny how quickly that happens.
The problem started with which road to take. But pretty soon, winning the argument becomes more important than getting where they were both trying to go.
Christians can do the same thing.
We can love the same Jesus, read the same Bible, serve together, and still disagree.
Philippians 4:2–5 isn't really about how to avoid disagreement.
It's about how people who belong to Jesus handle it when disagreement comes.
Setting the Scene
Paul is writing to people he knows and loves in Philippi. He has spent much of this letter calling them to live like Jesus—putting others ahead of themselves, serving instead of grabbing for position, and staying faithful when life gets difficult.
Then Paul gets very specific.
He names Euodia and Syntyche.
These aren't outsiders causing trouble. Paul says they had worked hard alongside him spreading the Good News.
They're faithful Christians.
And they aren't getting along.
We don't know what the disagreement was about. Paul doesn't tell us who started it or who was right.
Apparently, that's not what he wants us focused on.
His concern is what this disagreement is doing to these women and the people around them.
🎵 Worship the Word With Us
What if the Scripture you’re studying this week became the song you were singing all week long?
YJJ Worship features unique worship music inspired by the very passages we’re studying together. These songs are designed to help the truth of God’s Word move from your head to your heart—and stay with you long after the Bible study ends.
Listen during your drive, morning coffee, prayer time, or throughout your day.
Study the Word. Sing the Word. Live the Word.
As you go through the study guide, I would suggest reading or listening to the Bible passages in two different bible translations:
First read it in NASB or NKJV, then read it again from a NLT, NIV or ESV Bible.
Learn more about our exciting out-of-the-box ministry here
Walking Through the Text
Two Good Christians Are Stuck — 4:2
Paul asks Euodia and Syntyche to settle their disagreement because they belong to the Lord.
That's important.
He doesn't say their disagreement doesn't matter. He reminds them that they have something bigger than their disagreement in common.
They both belong to Jesus.
They both serve the same King.
They're both part of the same mission.
Christian unity doesn't mean:
“We agree about everything.”
It means:
“Even when we disagree, we don't forget who we belong to.”
Truth still matters. Sometimes somebody really is wrong.
But when winning becomes more important than loving, we can be right about the issue and still behave terribly wrong.
Sometimes You Need Help Working It Out — 4:3
Paul doesn't simply say:
“Figure it out yourselves.”
He asks a trusted partner to help them. We don't know for certain who this person was, but the Philippians apparently did.
That's a good reminder that sometimes two people get stuck.
They've replayed the argument. They've built their case. They know exactly why they're right.
Sometimes they need a mature person who cares about both of them to step in.
Not to pick sides.
Not to spread the story.
To help them move toward each other.
There's a big difference between a peacemaker and a gossip.
A gossip pulls more people into the fight.
A peacemaker helps the people fighting find a way forward.
Don't Forget Who These Women Are — 4:3
Paul makes a point of honoring Euodia and Syntyche.
They had worked hard beside him spreading the Good News.
Their disagreement didn't erase years of faithful service.
That's worth remembering.
When we're upset with somebody, it's easy to reduce that person to the thing we're upset about.
Paul doesn't.
These are still valued people who have served Jesus faithfully.
Don't reduce someone's entire life to their worst disagreement with you.
Rejoice—Even When Relationships Are Messy — 4:4
Then Paul says to rejoice in the Lord. That can sound strange right after talking about conflict. But Paul isn't telling them: “Smile. Pretend everything is fine.”
Paul himself is imprisoned. His future is uncertain. The Philippians are facing pressure, and now there's conflict inside the church.
Still, there is something bigger than all of it.
Jesus hasn't changed.
Circumstances change. People disappoint us. Relationships get messy. Plans fall apart.
But their joy isn't rooted in everything going their way.
Their joy is rooted in Jesus.
Let People See How You Handle Disagreement — 4:5
Then Paul says their considerate, gracious way of living should be obvious to everyone.
That fits perfectly with what he has just said.
Paul cares about more than what Euodia and Syntyche believe.
He cares about how they disagree.
You can hold strong convictions without attacking somebody.
You can listen without giving up what you believe.
You can disagree without needing the last word.
There's a big difference between standing firm and having to win.
And Paul reminds them that the Lord is near.
Jesus is still King. We don't have to treat every disagreement like everything depends on us winning.
How we disagree shows people something about who we're following.
Learn more about supporting this ministry here.
Why Context Changes Everything
These verses aren't random relationship advice.
Paul has spent the entire letter showing the Philippians what following Jesus looks like.
Jesus humbled Himself and served others.
Timothy genuinely cared about people.
Epaphroditus risked his life serving others.
Paul gave up his need to prove himself and admitted he was still growing.
Then comes Euodia and Syntyche.
Suddenly everything Paul has been teaching gets tested in a real relationship between two real people.
It's easy to talk about humility when nobody is irritating you.
It's easy to put others first when everyone agrees with you.
The real test comes when following Jesus affects how you treat someone you think is wrong.
Applying It Wrong
Pretend Christians Should Never Disagree
Paul isn't demanding that everybody think alike. Christians will disagree. Some issues matter deeply.
The goal isn't avoiding every disagreement.
It's learning to disagree without destroying each other.
Sweep Real Problems Under the Rug
Making peace doesn't mean pretending nothing happened. Sometimes there needs to be an apology, forgiveness, changed behavior, a difficult conversation, or healthy boundaries.
Peace isn't pretending.
Make Winning the Goal
You can win an argument and damage a relationship.
If proving you're right causes you to become arrogant, cruel, dishonest, or insulting, something has gone badly wrong.
Being right doesn't give us permission to treat people wrong.
Applying It Well
Remember Who You Both Belong To
Before seeing someone as your opponent, remember that this may be your brother or sister in Jesus.
The disagreement matters.
But Jesus matters more.
Get Help When You're Stuck
If you've tried and can't work it out, involve someone mature and trustworthy who genuinely wants reconciliation—not someone you know will take your side.
Watch How You Disagree
Ask yourself:
If somebody watched this conversation without hearing my words, would the way I'm treating this person look anything like Jesus?
Strong convictions and gracious behavior can live in the same person.
Questions to Chew on and Discuss:
These questions are designed to help you personally dig deeper into the passage and help guide your discussions in your Journey Groups and Me & 3 small groups.
Looking Closer
What do you notice?
What does Paul ask Euodia and Syntyche to do?
How does Paul describe these women despite their disagreement?
Why do you think Paul asks another person to help them?
What does Paul say should be visible to everyone?
Understanding It
What did it mean then?
When I disagree, do I care more about solving the problem or proving I'm right?
How do I usually react when someone challenges me?
Is there someone I'm currently holding something against?
Would people describe the way I disagree as gracious?
Let It Challenge You
What is God inviting you to notice?
Have I pulled other people into a disagreement instead of going to the person involved?
Who could I trust to help if a relationship became stuck?
Is there someone I've reduced to the one thing I dislike about them?
Live It Out
What will you do?
Is there a conversation I need to have?
Do I owe someone an apology?
Is there something I need to let go of instead of continuing to fight about it?
What's one thing I can do differently the next time I disagree?
Journey Group OR ME & 3 Small Group Discussion Starters:
If you're using this guide with your Journey Group, Me & 3 group, or a few friends, don't feel like you need to work through every question. Start with something that gets people talking and then let the conversation go deeper.
Start with this one:
Why do disagreements sometimes become more about winning than solving the original problem?
Then talk about:
What's the difference between standing firm for something important and simply being stubborn?
How can you tell whether someone is acting as a peacemaker or just getting pulled into the drama?
And finally:
Is there one relationship where this passage is challenging you to do something differently?
Remember This
You don't have to agree on everything to remember who you belong to.
Sum It Up
Euodia and Syntyche loved Jesus, served Jesus, and still got sideways with each other. Paul didn't tell them who won. He reminded them who they belonged to and asked someone trustworthy to help them work it out.
That's the challenge for us too.
Christians will disagree. Sometimes strongly. But following Jesus should change how we disagree.
Tell the truth. Hold your convictions. Get help when you're stuck. Don't turn disagreement into gossip. Don't make winning more important than loving people.
And remember:
You can be right about the issue and still be wrong in how you treat the person.
The goal isn't to never disagree.
The goal is to disagree in a way that still looks like Jesus.
Experience the God of the Wilderness
Throughout the Bible, the desert isn't just a place of heat and sand; it is God’s favorite classroom. It’s where He took Moses to see the burning bush, where He shaped the Israelites into a nation, and where Jesus was prepared for His ministry.
There is something about stepping away from the "safe structures" of the city and into the stillness of the high desert that clears the noise and lets you hear God's voice.
Are you willing to come to the wilderness for a time of preparation and growth? If you feel God moving you out of your comfort zone and into a deeper dependence on Him, we invite you to join us on our off-grid property in Northwest Arizona.
Arizona Bible Experience Retreat 📅 Dates: October 17-23, 2026 📍 Location: Meadview, AZ
Incredible scenery, excellent teaching, and friendships forged from slot canyons to campfires. We have limited spots available to keep the experience intimate and impactful.
Several lodging options. Daily excursions. Shared meals, campfires, and more! Includes a day at the West Rim of the Grand Canyon and so much more.
Save the Date: The Pig Out-Play & Praise
Every September, the whole YJJ community rallies together in beautiful North Idaho for our annual gathering. We call it "The Pig Out-Play & Praise"—and for good reason! We smoke a whole hog and briskets for a week of incredible food, deep fellowship, and powerful worship led by two different teams.
The Biblical Connection:
Did you know that God actually built "big meet-ups" into the very rhythm of life for His people? From the Appointed Feasts to the harvest gatherings, the ancient Israelites were commanded to stop, gather, and celebrate what God was doing. The value of these rhythms remains true for us today. We need these "mountain top" moments to refuel and reconnect.
Registration is OPEN now! Get your tickets here:
HAVE YOU WATCHED THIS VIDEO YET?
MORE RESOURCES TO HELP YOU GROW AS A CHRISTIAN
Read Our Full Statement of Faith: CLICK HERE
Your Jesus Journey is an independent, non-denominational Christian ministry. We're fueled by God's grace and the generosity of our supporters. Our team—led by Pastor Thad and his wife Kaila—is made up of dedicated disciples from all over the United States. Together, we work to help people understand the Bible, find Christian friends, and grow as disciple-makers.
Be sure to grab our free E-Book, "Stop Reading the Bible Wrong: 7 Strategic Shifts that Change Everything." Just click the Free Gift button at the top of our website, and we'll send it to you today!
Go to https://www.yourjesusjourney.com/journeygroups to learn more about Journey Groups, get connected in one, or even learn how to start your own. It's like a spiritual potluck, but instead of questionable casseroles, we share insights and grow closer to God. See you there!
You can also get our FREE in-Depth Bible-Study Guides delivered to your inbox: https://forms.wix.com/r/7330608166566101604.
To learn more about YJJ, Thad and Kaila, and Your Jesus Journey, check out our ABOUT US section: https://www.yourjesusjourney.com/learn-about-thad-and-kaila-and-the-journey-church-online.
There's lots more to see and learn on our website, from our "what we believe" page to hundreds of blogs. We encourage you to swing on by and take a look around at www.YourJesusJourney.com!
Here are the lyrics to the new song: Name Above Every Name
Verse 1
Let this mind be found in us,
The humble heart of Christ.
Teach us, Lord, to walk Your way,
To lay our own lives down.
Though You were the Holy One,
King above all kings,
You did not hold tightly to the glory that was Yours.
Chorus
Jesus, You came down to lift us up.
Jesus, You gave everything in love.
We will bow, we will sing,You alone are King.
Jesus Christ is Lord forever.
Verse 2
You chose the servant's place,
You came in flesh like us.
You walked the road of suffering, Faithful to the Father.
You obeyed unto the cross,
Bearing all our shame.
Love was written on the nails,
Mercy called our name.
Chorus
Jesus, You came down to lift us up.
Jesus, You gave everything in love.
We will bow, we will sing, You alone are King.
Jesus Christ is Lord forever.
Bridge
God has raised You high above all,
Given You the highest name.
Every knee will bow before You,
Every tongue Your praise proclaim.
Heaven, earth, and all creation
Will declare what now we know:
Jesus Christ is Lord forever,
To the Father's glory shown.
Final Chorus
Jesus, You came down to lift us up.
Jesus, You gave everything in love.
Every heart, every voice,
Now will all rejoice.
Jesus Christ is Lord forever.
Tag
Jesus Christ is Lord.
Jesus Christ is Lord.
To the glory of the Father.
Jesus Christ is Lord.
I like the longer study guides. I won't say that I always complete all of them, but if it's an area I need to especially work on, I complete it.
Without causing you more work, maybe you can include the additional at the bottom and call it a deeper dive, or extra credit or??
Thank you for the work you put into these